I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
