For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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