I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
