I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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