What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
