You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
