I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
