evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
