wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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