Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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