I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
