I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
