16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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