three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
