i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
