There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
