I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
