hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
