Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
