Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
