so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
