Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
