i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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