oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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