you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
