spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
