I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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