I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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