blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
