Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
