White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
