it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
