I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
