So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
