pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
