she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
