She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
