Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
