I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
