That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
