i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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