i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
