Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
