Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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