I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
