miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
