I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
