Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
