you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
