My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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