i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
