I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
